The things I look at and the things I look for..

There are things I look at and there are things I look for. The things I look at at the moment are related to pain,death and sadness. They are the fearful objects that I can't negate from my life; disturbing, forceful and sucking all the joy and positive energy. I feel more at ease to talk about them now. My meeting with Annabel Dover was a turning point. She redefined my parameters in a sense and made me realise how feelings and emotions cannot be dissociated from my project. She also encouraged me to document on these objects even if only to photograph them and to shelve aside for future use if need be.

Of course in contrast, the things I look for is definitely an escape zone area; the comforting activity of finding beauty and highlighting it. I also liked the way Annabel canalised everything into the diary approach: documenting a simple idea a day seems lighter than overthinking about concept and complexities all at one go. There is also something truthful about documenting my father's illness. It is about personal involvement; the same old story of analysing the narrative of the material is present; the story of within the narrative..

Annabel offered me a panoply of references to look for. The British Botanist Anna Atkins had my immediate full attention as I researched on her drawings https://archive.org/stream/lamarcksgeneraof00lama#page/102/mode/2up
Anna Atkins made drawings for her father's book: "Lamarck's Genera of Shells". She also made an album with her cousin Anne Dixon of things they had collected on their walks, when both were mourning their fathers. Collection often acts as a self-therapy process and the author Daniel Miller in his book "The Comfort of Things" debates how "the closer our relationships are with objects; the closer our relationship are with people". The idea of mapping the territory by collecting material is essential to me. 
A contemporary artist who shares my interest is Peter Atkins who says: "My work is about interaction, humanity, the remnants, what's left", "challenging people to look at what makes up their day." and "responding to the commonplace and mundane". His bold abstractions on canvas and multi panelled journals utilise the ephemera of his travels – everything from buttons to bottle tops, sequins and washing machine lint.  Hidden amidst the strange forms are indigenous artefacts and the odd deviations of Outsider Art. Atkins is an alchemist mixing condom wrappers, messages from fortune cookies, lotto tickets, confetti… not just things, but loaded things, writes Max McLean, that speak of chance or destiny, birth and death, form and entropy.http://tolarnogalleries.com/artists/peter-atkins/