A Short Reflective Piece Of Writing Around The Task: Testing My Boundaries.

While summing up my experience of Task One: Testing My Boundaries, I reflected on these powerful words of Renoir: “One must from time to time attempt things that are beyond one's capacity.” -Pierre-Auguste Renoir. Trying out something totally different consequently generates new line of thoughts, some to be adopted, some to be discarded and some to be treasured for later use. For me, the whole task can be described as an opening, an uplifting experience where I was able to break my own set of rules to reach out at a more intimate and personal level. And writing about it through this essay, I feel a liberating sense of delight, in the same line as what Carl Leggo (2008) has said, that "storying"(writing about) the incident shapes up "fragments of experience" that "reminds us that there is significance in the moment, in the particular, in the mundane." 

Three different words, yet all fitting themselves to a whole: Unfolding, Unexpectedness, Uncertainty (From the book-Unfolding the Unexpectedness of Uncertainty- Anita Sinner)

Unfolding.

Before the start of the Task, I wrote down some ideas for a proposal. "The Chosen Place" was discussed as well as my aims and objectives. However, though my basic planning was in place, it was hard to start on with the project. Amongst my apprehensions was the aim I had set for myself "to bring my art to the public" and I wanted to have a clearer idea about how to process on with that. After some group consultations, I made some concrete research and started on some portraits with (coloured) pencil shading. Upon reflection, I think that this activity had nothing to with what I did at the end, however, it was still fruitful for it made me psychologically/mentally prepared for what was awaiting me. It was also a starting point, for I was subconsciously gathering ideas for myself. I clearly remembered fretting over time management as I started stressing about the process/ the course of action to orient the work from.

Unexpectedness.

I think that stress, which originates from mixed emotions as fear of the unknown, is rather a destructive overwhelming element which can distract and cause much distress and distrust in oneself ,all ending up in waste of time and energy. I often tackle stress by distancing myself from what I was focused on to other fields of interests. As I revisited the "baitka" (on my second and third visit), I really felt a positive break through. I felt confident about what I really wanted to do, especially during my third visit when I did some pen and ink sketches. On that day,while I was drawing with people all around, I really felt close to my aim "to bring art to the people" and it was then that decided to do the whole painting there itself.

 Uncertainty. The pros of such a venture.

This change of setting from my usual "studio" to on-the-spot painting was both unsettling and pleasantly adventurous. The hazardous nature of working in a different way was thrilling as I felt truthful to the place and its audience. I was breaking free from my own set of rules and patterns and creating new ones. And I remember feeling good about this idea as written afterwards in my evaluation "I personally think (I may not be right on this: maybe I need to self-analyse this part also..) that if I am getting the right "feel"on my work, then I should not be bothered about anything else." Being satisfied with what I do is very important to me. I discovered how to deal with the audience as well getting the work done at the same time and taking instant decisions. I also learnt about human relationship and made new friends. And I feel I was also able to capture the joyous feel of the space to a great extent.

 

This photograph was taken following my activities as I wanted to engage the dancers physically in what I was doing. Personally I think this is one of the most important photograph for this task. I felt the participants were able to connect to my work in different ways. Here I was dealing with the primary thing, and it all felt as a whole; also the source of my colour palette through their dresses becomes visible.   

Uncertainty. The cons of such a venture. 

I had not anticipated on the dangers of working from instant flow with no previous planning and I became really frustrated when I realised I would not be able to capture the movements of the dancing figure as she was too quick. I think this was also a good lesson about reality and time: in real life,models do not pause for paintings. Another option that I considered then was to work from photographs, however, I immediately rejected the idea as I wanted to work live with the model from the place. 

   I finally erased an important part of the work and started all over again. Looking back, I think this was an important decision at that time which made me reflect on the flexibility of painting as a technique. With painting, one can still revert back drastically and continue on. With Sculpture on the other hand, once the armature is set for any particular chosen form, the decision cannot be drastically altered. Painting in this sense offers multiple possibilities to spontaneous and personal response. With Sculpture one always need to remain in check; when building the armature, the decision is already set and aspects of the sculptural technique causes the artist to remain alert and calculating. Is there some sort of limitations here?

  Control over situations meant fighting uncertainty,vulnerability in favour of confidence.My last visit at the centre was personally a memorable one, and also an eventful one. I understood the meaning of connectivity and I felt in harmony with what I was offering to the "baitka". I analysed my feelings at the time of the placing of the work for I was offering something that felt so important to me. Was Everybody around feeling the same way? I really do not know, However I know that people around have already accepted me as one of them: I form part of their circle and what I was offering them was making some kind of meaning. Joyful faces and smiles meant encouragement: they were in favour of art.

My audience was open to change and acceptance: they had asked many questions at the time of making as they were not accustomed to abstract responses. Being an educator, I asked myself if some kind of teaching has been taking place. This was not an intentional goal, however people who are so inviting and kept an open mind for things could rapidly move on to different stages in their level of reading an artwork. They were sensitive to colours, and could understand expression and communication for some of them were performers and skilled dancers. I ended up becoming enthusiastic too. I would like to think that my whole experiment was a successful one.

Questions to myself:

1. Question: Does the opinion of the public makes a difference to me?

Answer: I think this is an important question and I have been reflecting on this at different levels. I would like to think that this whole task was really a collaboration and that the outcome had depended on their interaction to some important level.  However, I think that if the audience would have reacted in a different way,maybe my response would not have been so enthusiastic.

2. Question: Was I working to please an audience?

Answer: I definitely felt I was working out on something that would be given away and that would exist in a place around a particular audience. I was definitely working around that audience. This artwork exists mainly because of its audience.